28th October,
- Hi, I'm Mary.
- Marius, nice to meet you.
- Marius, are you ready for your first day?
Am I ready? No, I'm not ready. I don't know what I'm supposed to do, it's all shrouded in mystery to me. What should I do? Will I manage? Yes, you will. A war has started inside me.
- Yes I'm ready, Mary, I'm very anxious to start my first day, I answer, very confident in myself, lest she realize the fear that is stirring in me.
Mary is a lady at about 56, she is a strong character, her face a bit round, with very few wrinkles makes you think she has been through a lot in her life. And so she has, she was widowed young and raised her daughter alone. She'd do anything for her daughter, that's why she's here. Mary has been working in the field for more than 11 years, in different situations, but the field is the same. She has an outstanding experience and makes herself likeable from the first words. She fascinates you with her life stories and especially with the fact that she is very direct. She doesn't patronize you or treat you with superiority, but tries to teach you everything you have to do.
- The first thing you have to do when you get to the visit... (I was lost, I wasn't listening to her, I could hear Mary talking to me, but I was lost) , Marius, have you heard?
- Yes, I got it, I just answer it.
I was lost, my first visit to a bed patient, everything was desolate, the smell was very strong, the image of the old lady in bed, the skin hanging off her bones, the lost eyes, everything was desolate to me.
She wakes me up from my trance smiling, dear she started smiling when she saw me.
The first visit ends after about an hour, an hour in which all I did was think, how am I going to do this job? How will I always be able to go through what I'm going through now? But something made me calm down, her smile. The smile of that sweet old lady, who with all her heart, with a simple smile said: "Welcome!"
- Marius, are you okay? Mary asks puzzled,
- I'm fine. My thoughts are flying again.
- You've seen what you have to do in the morning, right?
- Yes I saw, I remembered what I had to do.
- Very well, now we have a break so I'll invite you to my place for lunch.
- Sure, thanks a lot! - We've only known each other for 4 hours and he's already inviting me for lunch, what a sweet soul.
After having shared many memories with Mary and told each other stories over dinner, which is more like listening, we are preparing for our afternoon visits. Mary continues to explain to me what amd is done each time to patients and tries her hardest to teach me exactly what is correct to do.
It has been a long day, a day far too long for me. I am very tired, but somehow not as scared as I was this morning. Something had changed, I had gained more confidence in myself. I don't know exactly what happened, but I became much more confident in myself. Maybe it all started from that smile, or maybe from all those smiles.
I spent two days with Mary, two very long days in which I learned so many new things, saw so many patients, I'm still trying to remember the name of each of them.
The phone rings, on the other end of the line I hear a voice:
- Hi, how are you? How are you, it was Ann.
- Hi, I'm fine, a little tired after today's visits.
- I got it! You're on your own tomorrow.
- What?
- Yeah, you don't think you're gonna make it?
- I don't know, Ann.
- I say you'll manage, if there's anything you don't know, call me and I'll help you.
- Okay.
Alone? Already? No, I'm not ready, how can I be alone on visits already, I don't know anything. I could hardly fall asleep.